Series:

In Utero

“Redman collapsed the mother/artist dichotomy, making the experience of motherhood a vital part of her creative process, as well as presented an alternative to the patriarchal tradition of representing motherhood as a symbol by creating autobiographical images that focused on her own personal and lived experience…these early motherhood works were intended as a form of empowerment, as visual statements on the possibility of being both mother and artist.” — Michelle Vangen, Bridging the Artist/Mother Divide: The Maternal Imagery of Helen Redman, 2009

I was five months pregnant with Nicole when I lost my first daughter, Paula. This early experience of death profoundly affected my feelings towards pregnancy, filling me with an intense awareness of responsibility for the new life inside me and an emotional mix of fear and hope.

Helping me survive the loss of one child while another was growing within me, these expressionistic self-portraits were created to visualize my baby in-utero. I created one of these portraits every day of the my ninth month… healing my heart, strengthening my spirit, focusing my will, and preparing myself for the impending birth.

The fetus curled up safely in my womb is based on images I found in Lamaze manuals as I prepared for natural childbirth. I used oil crayon on paper — a greasy, rough, scribbly medium that allows for no changes. The colors are emotional, intuitive and anti-naturalistic. Often, flowers burst into bloom in the background, as a metaphor of fertility and a sign of hope for the precious life blossoming within.